Power transfer from
A-triple-F drive to long-range
weapons underway.
Cannons hot in sixty seconds.
Fire on Titan the instant
those cannons come online.
We'll work our way down half
the targeting queue before
they...
Commander!
Five unknowns deployed from the
moon's surface.
Fuck me up the ass.
Okay, team, we've got
less than a minute to cornhole
those martian buttclowns before
they hit our bases!
Incoming fire!
I told you they'd try
something sneaky while Titan's
fleet was on the other side of
the solar system...
Ooh, somebody's
a smarty smartpants
with super smart pants.
Infrared picking up lots
of activity.
What does infrared say
about your vagina, Jodi?
No activity?
What is that supposed
to mean?
Keep it together, team!
SASHA: Don't worry, Palmer,
I've got ice in my veins!
And Jodi's got ice in her
vagina, so...
Hey!
Moooooooo.
Shut up.
SPUD: Can I just say something?
Whatever happens,
I love you guys.
ALL: Awwwwww!
Fat dumbass.
The warship's long-range
weapons are coming online!
Ah fuck it.
Prepare to form...
Titan Maximum!
ALL: Right!
Titan Maximum!
Aw fuck.
Maximum power punch!
Ooohhh, if Sasha captures me,
maybe I'll get some side-boob
with my elbow!
I'm gonna surrender
to Palmer!
...preferably ass first.
Aw yeah!
Wow.
Mom's gonna get some rough news.
Wooooooo-hoooooooo!
All right!
Hey Palmer,
your little brother's hot!
I want to kiss him!
And that...
is how Titan Maximum
saved our entire moon.
A-again.
Sasha never said that!
Oh, how do you know?
Is your brother the leader of
Titan Force Five?
Whatever, Willie.
Nobody even gives a whiz about
Titan Force Five anymore.
Oh, and what has your brother
ever done with his life?
Oh, that's right.
Jack effing crap.
My brother's in preschool!
Oh no, all the collectibles!
What's going on?
No way.
[Chanting]
Pal-mer! Pal-mer!
Pal-mer!
Wooooooooooooooo!
All right!
That's a new record, folks.
Victory lap.
I'm pretty hot about you.
Back to one!
Palmer! You're on TV!
Bartender! Volume!
The sound of my voice
gets me hot.
Yeah, flying a giant robot
is awesome!
But really making a difference
in people's lives...
That's triple awesome.
Ha ha. Don't do drugs.
REPORTER: That was
two years ago.
A month later, Titan Force Five
was defeated, not by
enemy spacecraft...
But by the moon of Titan's
own Defense Department,
eager to cut the budget
during peacetime.
Suddenly these heroes...
Commander Palmer,
surly second-in-command
Lieutenant Gibbs,
spunky girl-next door
Jodi Yanarella
and tabloid harlot
Sasha Caylo...
found themselves out of work.
And not long after,
the team's lovable goofball,
"Spud" Cunningham, perished
in a shocking event
no one will ever forget.
What's uuuuuuuup?
Balcony party, y'all!
Got my balcony hooker,
got my balcony cocaine...
Whoops, balcony rail...
[screaming]
[Screaming continues]
[Screaming]
[Screaming continues]
[Screaming]
Sensitive viewers may wish
to avert their eyes.
Lieutenant Gibbs now joins us
live.
Have you stayed in touch
with your teammates?
Well, I touched Jodi all
over the place.
Huh?
Up top.
Oh... Uh, yea... yes.
But seriously, no, I haven't.
They're all a bunch of
brainless assholes who deserve
to have their genitals burned
off with acid.
Next question?
Uh...
W-where will your career path
lead you now?
Uh, what's next?
Hmm.
Well, I've given it a lot of
thought, and I've decided
I need a change of pace.
So I figured I'd...
I dunno...
conquer the solar system,
crush all who oppose me,
and name myself
Super King big nuts.
Oh! Heh-heh! Yes.
But seriously...
Yeah! Starting right about...
Hmmmm...
Now.
Whoa!
Oh, and Palmer?
Here's a gift, just for you.
Boom!
Ooooh.
Brrrrr.
Boom!
[Laughs]
Two at a time!
* Brrrr brr brr, brr brr brr *
* Bow to your partner... *
your friend's kind of
a dick.
Couple's skate only friends.
* Doo doo do-do, doo doo doo *
Oh, and by the way?
This.
[Humming]
Everybody dies now.
[Evil laughter]
That ain't good.
[Grunting]
My baaaaaaalls!!!
[Grunting]
Aaaaaahhhhh!
Protect the arm,
protect the arm...
Oh, wait a minute...
Hey, ha ha ha!
Jumpin' on the couch!
Ha ha ha ha!
Stop jumping on that couch,
you'll break your arm!
Aw, shut up, you old bitch.
Ahhh! My arm!
Oh! We have no insurance!
I'll have to use your college
fund.
My only dream is that my boy
would go to college.
Mama!
No!
Oh, I promise you, mama,
I'll never break my arm again!
Protect the arm!
Aaaaahhh!!!
Questions, comments,
concerns?
I smell pee.
Done correctly, yes, your
opponent may spontaneously
urinate.
I smell poop.
That was me.
Oh!
I've gotta donate blood before
I volunteer at the soup kitchen!
Good class, everyone!
I will see you on Wednesday!
Well at least that's over.
[Frantic screaming]
Oh, my arm!
Mama!
Holy crow!
Yeah!
Yes!
I! Like!
When!
You! Do!
That!
I need feedback, baby.
I need some feedback.
You're doing great!
Yeah! You!
Over privileged!
Dope!
Yeah, I think we should
see other genitals.
Augh!
Hiya dickweed.
Nice pants.
Oh hey, my grandpa's hat.
That's an unfortunate penis.
MAN: Sasha, can I get you
a drink?
Whoa!
[Scratching]
Bleeehhhh.
This party suuuuuuuucks!!!
[Crowd cheers]
Woo hoo!
Look at me!
Smile pretty, Sasha.
Over here, Sasha.
You know I'm the shit,
I'll give you my picture.
Sasha! Was there a connection
between your poor album sales
and the fact that it sucked?
[Angry shouting]
Uh.
What day is it?
You're welcome.
The fuck?
[Footsteps approach]
[Roars]
Ahhh, good day, good day.
And time to take a dump.
[Ominous rumbling]
[Footsteps approach]
[Roars]
[Breathes deeply]
I've got to find my brother!
And probably make out
with Sasha!
No way!
With ya!
Hey!
Hello?
Anyone?
[Whisk, whisk, whisk]
Hey, Leon!
Where is everybody?
Who's been maintaining
the ships?
It's just you?
[Groans]
[Roars]
[Horn honks]
A pink racing stripe?
What was I even thinking?
If I could only get out of this
lease!
Ahhh!
Ha ha! And away we go!
Oh, if I could only get out
of this loveless marriage!
Great! Thank you.
All right, boys,
it's big and ugly but
we're the best.
Deploy ordinance on my mark,
and I will see you
at the titty bar.
[Cheering]
WOMAN: I really object to
that comment, sir.
Yeah that was insensitive,
sorry Anderson.
Ah. What's he d...?
Ah.
Aaaaaaah!
Oh, this is ironic as hell!
Tank Alpha Alpha to base.
Sni... oh. Oh.
No idea where this is going but
it ain't gonna end pretty.
So much for ol' Tank Alpha
Alpha... gaaaaaarrgh...!!!
Ew.
Ow! Dammit!
This'll take all freakin' day!
Palmer?
Jodi! Um, hey!
What the...?
Willie?!
Yeah.
He was trying to climb the
fence and kept falling off.
Eventually the guards stopped
laughing and just beat him with
nightsticks.
I'm... here to help!
Go home, spank blanket!
I'm a little busy!
Uhhhhhh.
I think we need all the help
we can get, Palmer.
And you know I'm studying
Roboengineering!
At Devry.
But I'm really, really
gooooooo...
Great, now he's got
a brain embolism.
I have a vegetable for
a brother.
No, it's just...
Her.
* Damn *
* I'll sell you booty crack *
* Addicted to another *
* Kind of smack *
* So much ass *
* So out of wack *
* Watch me shake it *
* Until it's blue and black *
* English baby, baby *
* Has many synonyms for butt... *
[Willie squeaks]
Palmer.
Grody.
So, your ex-snugglebunny
went superbatcrap and wants to
play biggest baddest bad guy,
hmmmmmm?
All right, we can make
Jodi cry later.
Leon, write that down.
But right now some freaky
crudmonster's renovating the
suburbs and our ships kinda
sorta won't fly.
Come on, Willie.
Show us what you've got.
Duuuuuuuuuuuur.
[Groans]
There!
There's a boner!
[Laughs]
[Giggles]
They'll be fine.
Right, Leon?
Hey, what are the odds?
Cover me on approach!
Starboard double dagger!
Uh!
Whoa!
Starboard dagger, you dumb slut!
I'm on the wing!
You're on butt duty!
Damn it! Where's my cover?
Whoa!
Whoa! Whoa!
Aaaagh! Whoa.
Look what you did, Jodi.
Me???
It was your stupid actions
that got us in...
Mooooooooooo!
Gibbs?
Oh how I've missed you,
my precious leeches.
The way one misses...
I don't know, an itchy nutsack.
Gibbs, you fucking traitor!
When we catch you I'm gonna
fuck you in both your eye
sockets with your own
fucking dick!
I'm going to make sure you're
buried with your dick
hanging out of your left eye
socket, do you hear me?!?
Your mom's gonna see it!!!
Well, be sure to stab me
in my ears too, love, in case
you release another album.
You cock sucking
motherfucker pig...
Why'd you do it, Gibbs?
You were a hero, man!
Well, like an assistant hero,
working for the main hero,
the main hero being
* Paaaaalmer *
Oh, Palmercakes, buddy.
Let's define "main hero."
The guy who designed every
strategy?
'Cause that was me.
Crappity crap.
Crappity crappity crappity crap
crap crap.
The guy who planned every
battle? 'Cause that was me.
Asscrackers!
And now I'm not around,
pumpkin.
How's that working out for you?
Shrinky dinks!
Grrrr!!!
Palmer!
Ah, there's my girl.
What's new, little miss perfect?
Maybe questioning your taste
in hunky dudes?
Or was it my naughty streak
that set your panties aflame in
the first place?
Oh oh oh oh!
Shut up shut up shut up shut up!
Aaaaaaagh!
Best of luck, kiddles.
[Sighs]
Good day.
They don't stand a chance!
Not unless they can form
Titan Maximum!
What are we going to do, Leon?
Leon?
No.
Nooooo.
No no no no no.
Bad monkey!
No!
[Nervous laugh]
Okay. I can do this.
I've played the Titan Maximum
video game like, a million
times!
I mean, that's basically
the same thing, right?
Oh. Okay.
Bad diarrhea feeling.
That's not in the game.
Aaaah!
[Gasps!]
Jodi! Evade!
[Groans]
Spud...?
BOTH: Leon?!? Leon?!?
What?!?
Leon the fucking monkey?
Fuck!
And I'm picking up Titan
blue to the Northeast!
Yeah, maybe a fucking
gerbil is flying that one.
No... worse.
Oh God!
Woo! Ha ha ha ha!
Oh jeez!
Okay, all right, left left left.
Oh no, right right right right
right!
Oh god sorry, I'm sorry!
Oh! Oh. Oh.
Ah ha ha!
Damnit Willie,
that better not be you.
Sorry, big brother, but
if we're gonna die, it's gonna
be side by side as family!
Because I love you, and l-
Ah, jeez, I forgot
to press "talk."
Turn around, Willie!
Palmer, you doof,
this is our chance!
No!
Sasha's right, Palmer...
As much as it makes me want to
barf up a gallon of sick
pukey vomit.
Oh no.
No no no no no.
Uh! Fine!
On my mark, team!
Form Titan Maximum!
Right!
Titan Maximum!
What is that thing?!?
Palmer, our weapons...
Nothing is online!
Then we'll do what we
always do...
Punch the fuck out of it!
Oh, piss.
Piss!
We...
we did it!
Yeah bitch!
All right!
Wooo hooo ha ha haaaaaa!
Hell yes!!!
Uh...
...everyone cool?
[All groaning]
PALMER: Whoa, double time!
Look what you did, Jodi.